I Hate Myself for Losing You
:I hate myself for losing you :I'm seeing it all so clear :I hate myself for loosing you :What do you do when you look in the mirror :And staring at you is why he's not here? :What do you say when everything you said :Is the reason he left you in the end? :How do you cry when every tear you shed :Won't ever bring him back again? Chapter 1 - Mice are Better then Rats Growing up in Twoleg Place, you get used to...not always eating the best. Or in some cases, not always eating. Of course, for Drakon and his crew, things were different, but on my side of the tracks, things were much worse. As Hawk-eye's daughter, I was entitled to more prey then most, but most nights I still went to bed hungry. Like when I first met Cobweb. Drakon and Hawk-eye sat, glaring at each other while Cobweb and I looked each other over curiously. Neither of us had grown into our muscles yet, and in my case it seemed doubtful that I would. I was a lithe kit, with puffy fur while Cobweb was...well...Drakon would call it 'taken care of' or 'sturdy'. Hawk-eye just called it 'fat'. I wonder if my father had known that I would be forced to almost marry my best friend seasons later? Either way, when I escaped to the Clans, I hated it. I refused to eat, I didn't want to do anything, and I attacked Thorn on several occasions. I let out an annoyed hiss at the thought of the ginger tom who has all but attached himself to my side since I decided to start trying to live a Clan life. "Do you like it? Aren't mice amazing?" he's asking now, watching me eat a mouse. I give him an odd look and don't respond. But, since I've spent my life eating rats, I can tell you one thing. If you're starving in the wilderness and your choices of food are a pile of rat carcasses and one mouse, choose the mouse. At least you'll die happy. I quickly finish and stretch. Thorn bounds up, "Are you ready to go?" I sigh and nod. It would be so easy to get excited about my first patrol...if my patrol partners weren't Thorn and his bad-tempered second-in-command Jynx. Joy. I get up, feeling a prickle of excitement despite my misgivings, and head for the entrance of RiverClan camp. Chapter 2 - Scents We're joined by Silverstar, the leader of RiverClan and she dips her head in greeting, "I'll be joining the patrol." Thorn looks slightly confused- even I know that Clan leaders don't usually join patrols- but he nods and Silverstar leads us out to the territory with a whisk of her tail. We pick up the pace, trotting as we get away from the camp. I love the feeling of wind in my fur and soon I'm pelting with the others as we speed away, through the trees and over streams. Suddenly, Silverstar slows to a walk and reluctantly I slow down as well. She stops at an ordinary looking area and sniffs, "WindClan hasn't set a paw out of place." she meows, "Mark it," Thorn and Jynx take control of this since I've never been on patrol before. Then were racing back through the forest and this time it's easier to tell where to stop- there's a river. On the other side is dense forest instead of the moor we came from. "ThunderClan's good," Silverstar nods. This time she and I set the boundary. Silverstar seems to be thinking about something and I give her a look. "What?" She hisses in annoyance, then sighs, "I was just thinking about checking up on ShadowClan...Emberstar was too... arrogant at the last Gathering." I shudder, thinking of the ShadowClan leader who bears so much resemblance to Drakon, the cat who stalks my nightmares and ruined my life. Thorn pads over next to us, "That's a good idea." Silverstar nods, "We'll have to cross ThunderClan territory though," she says. There's no fretfulness in her voice, just determination, "So be quiet." She turns and leads us up the river and then across it. I swim strongly across, purring slightly. The water feels so good on such a hot day. Jynx looks uncomfortable in the water and Thorn struggles to swim. Silverstar helps him and we finally make it across. Jynx and Thorn shiver, but I just look around curiously. Silverstar quietly leads us across a thin stretch of territory, past a huge trees that smells like owl and then to a place that smells acidic and like Twolegs. My ears perk. "The road!" Silverstar hisses, "Stay away from the Thunderpath Firefly!" I nod and follow her orders. She hisses, "I can't smell anything because of the path!" Thorn's tail droops and Jynx let's out a hiss of frustration. I look at them curiously. "You can't? Silverstar glares at me. "What?" "Can you ''smell anything, O Great One?" Jynx snaps. Silverstar waves her tail at Jynx and I blink in confusion. "Yes..." Silverstar's eyes light up, "Of course! You're so used to Twolegplace that it doesn't bother your nose as much! What can you smell?" I sniff, recognizing the powerful and dark smell of ShadowClan from beyond the path. "They've marked their territory...but really...thoroughly." I meow in confusion. Silverstar looks spooked and I turn to her, "What?" Silverstar shakes her head, "Emberstar's planning something," she meows quietly, "I know she is." Chapter 3 - Things Get....''Interesting As soon as we get back to camp, Silverstar rushes off to her den, yowling for the deputy and her senior warriors to follow. I sigh, thinking about going hunting or something when Thorn nudges me, "What do you think?" "About what?" I meow back, not really wanting to talk to him. Jynx melts away from us and Thorn leans in closer, whispering. "Emberstar. The whole...ShadowClan thing." I roll my eyes and turn, "Jeez, Thorn, I don't have time for this! I need to go hunting or something. So ShadowClan's marking their borders a little thickly, it just shows their toeing the line! If Drakon did that much in the Twoleg Place we'd all be partying!" "But Emberstar isn't Drakon-" Thorn stops short and winces slightly. "What?" I narrow my eyes, "Thorn, are you keeping something from me?" "No..." "Thorn, you are the reason I am here at all to listen ''to this conversation, so if you know something, tell me!" But Thorn is already bouncing around like an overexcited kit, "So, you're going hunting?" "I hate squirrels," I hiss, "I hate them, I hate them, ''I hate them!" The squirrels above me chatter and laugh at me as I try to leap up another branch only to slip and shriek as I fall back down to the earth. Thorn smiles down at me, "Well, at least you're only getting a few branches up the tree or we'd be in deep trouble." I struggle to my feet, cursing. Thorn tips his head, "Why are we even chasing squirrels anyways? We're in RiverClan, we're supposed to fish!" "Because," I sit up groaning, "Fish tastes like...well...fish dirt." Thorn rolls his eyes, whiskers twitching in amusement, "Maybe you need a transfer to ThunderClan." "Is that what'll get you off my tail?" I expect a laugh, but when I turn back around Thorn is staring at me forlornly. "Is that really what you want?" he meows softly. I roll my eyes, "Of for the love of- Thorn, you are a pest, I will not deny it. But you are a decent cat and I don't wish I was in another Clan or whatever." Thorn doesn't answer, just sighs sadly. "Look Thorn, don't be a kit, okay? I-I-" suddenly I'm so fed up with all of Thorn's moping and I'm so overwhelmed with Spider and Drakon and Emberstar and all my Clan duties and- "Thorn, I don't have time to sit with you and console you ever time you get a tiny thorn stuck in your heart or whatever, okay?! So just suck it up, and leave me alone for a while because if I have to listen to one more second of your whining, I swear..." I stalk into the forest, still ranting. Chapter 4 - Hangover All I remember when I wake up is the guilt. I look around to find no one is in the rest of the nests- Thorn has already left. I curse myself, "Firefly, you idiot." And of course, in her usual way of picking the worst times to antagonize me, Jynx pokes her head in, "Silverstar wants to see you," she snaps, then surveys me, "You're just got up?" she rolls her eyes and pads off. I sigh and go see what Silverstar wants. "You need a mentor," she says. "What?" this is the least thing I expected. Actually, I was expecting her to chew me out over Thorn. But this? "You need trained in our ways," she meows, whiskers twitching slightly in amusement. "I can fight and hunt fine!" I protest hotly. "Then your apprenticeship won't last long now, will it?" I hiss and she let's out a purr. "Look Firefly, I've let you keep your name and I've looked over a lot of your...rule-breakings. But you need to be trained. Especially is Emberstar is planning something." "What is ''she planning?" I ask. Silverstar flicks her tail, "I have no idea. But you should tell the elders something exciting to keep them busy for a while." I stifle a purr. It's so hard to dislike Silverstar when she reminds me so much of Hawk-eye. "So who is this elusive mentor of mine?" "His name is Sunclaw. He was one of my best warriors," I note the emphasis on ''was, "But he's a senior warrior now, mainly a teacher, a mentor." her expression darkened with sadness, "But you'll probably be his last apprentice." "So where is Sunclaw?" "Waiting for you, of course." Silverstar meows, "Now, usually we do a ceremony..." "Please don't," I meow through gritted teeth. I can do without excessive attention in this Clan. And I do ''not ''want the kits teasing me about being an apprentice. Lousy kits... "That's what I thought," Silverstar purrs. "Now go train." I trudge out of the den and pray to whatever sad ancestors I have that Thorn gets a mentor of his own too. Chapter 5 - Training In my mind, I was really hoping for a strong warrior who still had the energy to be a fun mentor. But I was expecting an elderly tom who loved to ramble. What I got was something in the middle. There was no denying Sunclaw was old. His golden muzzle was flecked with silvery hairs and his eyes bore that 'wisdom of the ages' look you don't often find anywhere but the medicine den or the elders' den. But he also doesn't give me any nonsense. "Firefly? Silverstar told me she'd sent you here," he looks me over, "Can you hunt? Fight? Be honest." I shift on my paws nervously, "I can't fish. At all. And I'm not very good at climbing trees. Or fighting like a Clan cat." Sunclaw nods, saying nothing and I rush on, "But I can swim really well! And I'm very fast! And I can hunt mice and I can fight like a rogue..." I trail off weakly and Sunclaw nods. "The other apprentices are in the Mossy Hollow," he meows, "Let's go." he turns and disappears into the brush. I follow him, almost passing him at several points. When we get to the Mossy Hollow he gives a rusty purr, "You weren't lying about being fast!" I feel an unexpected rush of pride and look around the clearing. As I expected, most of the apprentices are all younger then me, although I can see Jynx and a few of the others through the trees. "Do they have mentors?" I ask Sunclaw. He shrugs, "Sort of. They've been here before, to scope out the area before they decided to join. Except for Thorn. He's been here on and off for the past season, so Silverstar decided he didn't need a mentor." "Figures," I mutter. Sunclaw leads me to the younger apprentices, "Everyone, this is Firefly. She'll be training with us. Now, what if we do a game today?" The apprentice and their mentors nod excitedly and we split into teams, mentors against apprentices. Sunclaw tells us if we can get to our opponents side of the clearing before we get to ours, we win and they'll do our chores for the day. I have no interest in finding ticks on the elders and changing the kits' bedding, so I gather my team. "We need to tag team them. Okay, everyone but go for one of the mentors, the others will rush to hep them. I'll sneak around and get to their side of the clearing." Everyone nods and when Sunclaw calls go, we spring into action. As I suspected, the older cats rush to the aid of the other cat and I'm able to dart around and get to the other side of the clearing. The apprentices cheer and Sunclaw purrs, "I think you just set a record!" .I purr and get ready for another match, letting the another apprentice decide what to do this time. Who knows? Maybe training will be fun. I just wish Cobweb was here to enjoy it with me. Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics